I Joined AARP

Last week, after learning people over the age of 55 can get a discount at Walgreens the first Tuesday of the month, I wondered what other discounts I could get as a person that is over 55. And I need some perks because so far being over 55 isn’t all that rewarding. So far, all I do is look for my granny glasses and buy granny glasses for every room in the house, every car and every purse. Of course I’ve heard of AARP because they clearly have a strong marketing team, (put a pin in that) as ads are being fed to me from every avenue possible. Plus, my father in law recommended becoming a member. (Put a second pin in that). So, for $12 I now have a one year membership that also extends to my husband. I get a trunk organizer as a bonus gift. I already have a trunk organizer so I’ll give this one to Don, who clearly has no idea he needs one but he will soon appreciate the benefits of marrying someone 4 years older.

If I’m being honest, one of my main motivations for signing up for AARP was to get 10% off at Outback because I loves me some bloomin’ onion. I’m told there are other discounts and benefits like explaining the Medicare process, understanding the health care plans and how to enroll, etc. My opinion of the Medicare process is akin to algebra. You could explain it to me 1,000 times and I still won’t get it. Somehow I’ll get through it like a deer in headlights, as that is how I passed college algebra.

I signed up and created an account. Opted out of 10 “email publications” that were offered to me and went on about my life, fantasizing about my future discounted bloomin’ onion.

I received an email thanking me for signing up and letting me know there’s an app for my phone. Great. Downloaded that. I’ll need that to show the Outback server. Super handy.

And another, letting me know my car organizer would be shipping soon. Awesome. Can’t wait.

And then it began. Every day since signing up, I have received at least one email, usually two, and multiple, daily notifications on my phone. If you are counting, that would be at least 30 emails a month, if they continue at this cadence. Oh hell no. I already get too many spammy emails. So, I go back into my account and opt out of all communications and turn off notifications on my phone.

And then I get another email from AARP: “You have opted out of all communications. We will still send an email when your membership renews.” Fine.

And another email about changing privacy settings, and how they are sharing my email with third parties. Sharing my info? Nope.

Back into my account I go to turn off permission to share my email to third parties and to change my privacy settings and anything else that looks like it will generate a fart of an email.

And then I get another email from AARP: “We have confirmed the change to your privacy settings.”

And another: “To opt out of third party sharing, please confirm your identity by clicking here.”

Of course when I did that, it generates another email: “We have confirmed opting out of third party sharing.”

Later, another email is received from AARP: “We are sorry to see that you have opted out, you can opt in at any time by….bla bla.”

And this is when I lost my shit, because we are now approaching 20 or so emails, in less than a week of membership. Back to the website I go to find out how to contact AARP to send them an obnoxious email. Of course there’s no way to contact them other than calling and I don’t want to be on hold, transferred, pressing 1 for this and 2 for that. That’s an entirely different kind of hell I’m not prepared to handle today.

So I send them a message via Facebook, letting them know that I am unhappy about the number of emails and this alone will make me rethink my membership next year and also, by the way, I’d like to spend my retirement years doing things other than managing my AARP membership. Of course, that was answered by a stupid bot, offering me several things to sign up for that might help solve my issue. And then the next time I found myself scrolling on Facebook, up pops an AARP ad because now that I’ve interacted with the AARP Facebook Messenger Bot, I’m tagged as someone that needs to see AARP ads. For the love of God please stop this nonsense.

I gotta hand it to the AARP marketing folks. They are 100% doing their job which would be a lot more impressive if I were helping that marketing team instead of being the audience. They get an A+ in capturing names in advance of needing Medicare so that they have an audience just waiting to buy a plan that they sponsor. I get it. As I mentioned, it’s my father in law who is very satisfied with his AARP Medicare plan and membership discounts and he recommended that I sign up, as we were having dinner with them at Outback one night and he was showing the server a coupon for a free bloomin’ onion from AARP. FREE.

He probably received that coupon in an email.

An Open Letter to My Smart Appliances

Subtitle: I think I’m becoming an old person

Meet my new stove, the newest contestant in the game of “Smart Appliances vs. Middle Aged People Who Love/Hate Them.” This rant has been brought to you by Amy, who has spent the last few hours getting a stove on the wifi network; adding it to the Google Home party of doorbells, plugs, light bulbs, cameras and appliances; downloading an upgrade; scanning a QR code to register said appliance and to retrieve the owners manual. 

I really just want to cook my taco salad meat.

When I cleaned out my mom’s home, I found that the basement refrigerator, manufactured circa 1978, was still running. THIRTY plus years later. Meanwhile, I’m on dishwasher #2 (and #2 is on its way out), refrigerator #2 (currently awaiting service), and this is the second stove—in the same house that we’ve been in 19 years.

My house is now filled with mostly “smart” appliances that all connect on our Google Home network. I can now change the temperature of my home when I wake up in the middle of the night hotter than hell or freezing to death (both of which can happen in a single night.) I can program it to maintain a schedule and to lower my energy costs. I can make ice super fast while I’m standing in the Dierbergs checkout lane with a 12 pack of Cayman Jack margaritas. I can use my Google Nest camera to see the bastard raccoon in the backyard that is climbing my bird feeder and using my deck as a latrine. I can fall asleep to the sound of crickets and have my 5:00 am alarm set by just saying, “Goodnight Google.” These are the only benefits to my smart home and appliances. Everything else is an unnecessary annoyance. 

The LG refrigerator, when it decides to actually be found on the wifi network, will allow me to enter the expiration date of my milk and other goods, in case I’m too stupid to read the container. 

This process, if I were using it, looks like this: Note exp. date of milk, unlock phone, open app, note that refrigerator is offline, reinstall it, which is a four step process, try again because it never works in the first try, observe a spinning graphic that lets me know that the smart appliance is thinking about the meaning of life, ah-ha!, there it is, enter milk, close app. In the olden days I could open my fridge, read the date on the carton and go about my life and that would be enough. It will also tell me every 6 months when it needs a new filter, for those unfamiliar with how a calendar works. All features that are not necessary but designed to make the product seem more desirable because it is not enough to keep my wine cold, my ice cream frozen and to dispense water and ice.

My dishwasher is super quiet, which is great when you have an open floor plan and need to be watching Ozark in the living room at the same time dinner dishes are being cleaned. This is the only thing it is good for. After a two hour clean cycle, about 75% of the dishes are clean. (WTF? I can hand wash every dish in my kitchen in two hours. And how is this energy efficient? It may be using less water but if it is running for that long, it cannot be energy efficient). Also, you never know what part of the two-hour cycle it is on, so unless you’ve made a mental note about what time it was started, you just wait until the green “clean” light goes on. If you open the door and selfishly take out the one thing you need and leave all the other clean dishes, that green light goes off and it will be a complete mystery to the next person that comes along if the dishes are 75% clean, 100% dirty or some other combination. And don’t get me started on the utensil basket, made of flimsy plastic that has broken and now allows utensils to fall partially through the bottom of the utensil holder and then gets hung up on the door when you try to pull out the bottom basket. Yesterday, a glorious new utensil basket arrived via Amazon. Grateful for small victories.

My washer and dryer are huge and I can wash a comforter without taking it to a dry cleaner. They are also red, and look nice. Yeay! But, right off the bat, I noticed the washer didn’t clean as well as my 20 year old washer it replaced. Most of the time, I’m using the “deep water” option because you need WATER to clean clothes. I’ve actually pulled clothing out of the washer that have dry spots, untouched by the water because of the energy efficient/low amount of water use. The set is 6 years old and naturally the 5 year extended warranty has expired. Five minutes after the extended warranty expired, the lid of the top-loading washer has decided to not stay propped open because a piece of flimsy trim has come loose. So far, it has fallen on my head more than once and whacked me in the face as I’m retrieving my unmentionables from the bottom of the machine. After trying to find a replacement lid online, my husband found it is out of stock/unavailable everywhere. He assures me superglue will not work and I said, “Just fashion a kickstand. I don’t care what it looks like, just fix it!” I now have a bungie cord that keeps the lid open. Cost of this repair: $1.67.  

Also on my shit list: low flow toilets, iPhone chargers, and anything that requires an overpriced subscription that could once be purchased at will. I’m looking at you Adobe. The wording on my tombstone will be something like, “She can now cancel her subscription to Adobe Creative Cloud.” Except tombstones will probably be replaced by “smart” monuments. If that is the case, let’s just have it say, “Amy is content to now be offline.”

Sometimes I blog, sometimes I don't.

If you are expecting regular blog posts, you won’t find that here. I focus my time on client work, annoying my family and riding my bike. Alerts for new blog posts will be found on Instagram. Thanks for visiting.

How to Work from Home.

The COVID-19 crisis has forced many of us to work from home. I have a friend that is working from home for the first time who says she feels “discombobulated.” That is funny to hear because I’ve been doing this work from home gig for 16 years. SIXTEEN! And I love it! Over that time, I’ve found many things that help productivity but the two most important things are: structure and discipline. Here’s how I’ve been able to make this work for me. 

Structured workspace: Set up an area in your home where you will be working. Make sure this area has everything you need, including office supplies. The last thing you need to do is wander the house looking for a stapler and then get sidetracked by a dishwasher that needs to be emptied. 

Structured routine: Figure out your “work hours” and stick to them as closely as possible every day. Plan on taking a lunch break at the same time every day. If it is nice, go outside and eat so you’ll get a break from your desk. Setting work hours will establish a routine of “work time” vs. “home time.” This means you aren’t doing laundry in between conference calls. Laundry and other household chores can wait until after work hours, just as if you were leaving the house every day. This also means you aren’t checking work email after work hours. You do not want to blur the lines between work and home. This adds stress and creates the feeling that you never really stop working.

Disciplined planning: Plan your daily schedule as much as possible, however this works for you. I’m an obsessive list maker. I have a grocery list, work list, goals list, longterm list, what’s in my freezer list, errands list. Excuse me while I raise my freak flag. Lists keep me focused. My lists are even color coded between work projects vs. errands. If I have a list, I can focus on the tasks at hand. I don’t ever have a day where I sit down at my desk and think, “What am I supposed to be doing today?” One of the tools I use for this is called Evernote. It’s a digital way of keeping “notes” or whatever you want to save for later. Another tool I use is Paymo. This is a time tracking application that allows me to accurately track time I’m spending on projects so that I can bill clients later. I don’t use this for all clients but it works well if you are jumping on and off a lot of different tasks. It can also be used for time management. If you are new to working at home, you could actually track how many hours you work, and how you spend your time.

Disciplined routine: Get up, get dressed, brush your teeth and “go to work.” This will make you feel as if you prepared for work and arrived ready to work. I’ll admit, this is one rule I frequently break. Some days I’ll get up, pour coffee and dig in to work, losing all track of time. Lunchtime arrives and I begin to wonder if I’ve brushed my teeth. The good news about this is it means work is getting done. The bad news is that personal hygiene is not a priority for the day. 

If you exercise every day, try to set a time that is also a routine and part of your daily schedule. One of the first things I did after becoming a freelancer is join a gym. I’m an introvert so working by myself is not difficult but I early on, I found that even I missed seeing people. Since then, the gym is a regular routine and I’ve made many friends there. 

Working at home with kids: This one gets a little tricky. Hats off to all the parents that are working from home AND having to homeschool your kids. When my kids were little, the only time they were home while I was working was during summer break. Sometimes I found camps or other summer programs  for them to attend. Sometimes they had to entertain themselves. But many summers they were home while I was working. When they were little, I invented “Mommy Summer Camp.” Each day, I gave them a list of things to do. Read a book, make your bed, draw a picture…something that was age appropriate in both level of task and number of tasks. If they completed their tasks (and didn’t fight with each other) at the end of the day, they were able to go to the “treasure box.” This was a big bin of junk they could choose from. (Silly string, a treat, stickers, water balloons). If I was lucky, whatever they selected could be something to keep them busy for the next day. Again, for parents working at home and having to manage kids and schoolwork, I would suggest blocking out “work time” vs. “school time” in order to manage expectations.

Good luck to all my friends that are navigating this new work from home situation. I hope everyone can find balance in this “new abnormal” and find what works for you and your family.

Never Forget

I saw something similar to this on Facebook and thought it was a great summary of the New Abnormal. When life gets back to normal, (whatever that ends up looking like) it will be interesting to read this and remember how COVID-19 altered our lives. Never take anything for granted!

  • Belleville area schools’ last day was 3/13/20. School activities, events and competitions for March 2020 are canceled. Later that gets extended to April. Colleges close dorms and send students home for the remainder of the semester. Online learning begins.

  • It began with self-distancing measures. We are to distance from each other—six feet! And no gatherings of 50 or more, then 20 or more, then 10 or more, and even this is encouraged to be limited to immediate family. Later, a “stay at home” lockdown is mandated.

  • Shopping nightmares: People begin hoarding toilet paper and panic buying sets in. Disinfecting supplies and sanitizer is impossible to find. People stand in line for hours just to get into big box stores to buy toilet paper. Purchases are limited and shelves are bare.

  • Non-essential stores and businesses are closed. Tape is put on the floors at grocery stores and others to help distance shoppers (6ft) from each other. Stores put up plexiglass at checkout counters and many have shortened hours in order to restock and clean. Many stores began “elderly shopping hours” to keep our older population safe. Restaurants can only do takeout. Some restaurants give up and temporarily close. Bartenders, servers, etc. are instantly out of work.

  • Parks, trails, and playgrounds are closed. State parks closed for camping. All Disney parks around the world closed indefinitely. Disney! Plus amusement parks, zoos, museums, etc. 

  • Professional sports are canceled. No home opener in April. No March Madness. ALL sports! The summer olympics are postponed for a year.

  • Concerts, tours, festivals, entertainment events—canceled.

  • Weddings, family celebrations, holiday gatherings, vacations—canceled. Funerals limited to a specific number and being live streamed.

  • No masses—churches are all closed. During Easter season!

  • Medical nightmares: Shortage of masks, gowns, gloves for our front-line workers. Shortage of ventilators for the critically ill. Manufacturers, distilleries and other businesses switch their lines to help make visors, masks, hand sanitizer and PPE. Medical field workers are afraid to go home to their families. Stadiums and recreation facilities open up for the overflow of Covid-19 patients. People are encouraged to donate blood as the blood banks are low due to not being able to hold blood drives. Elective surgeries are canceled. No visitors are allowed for hospital patients or residents of nursing homes.

  • Businesses are deemed essential or non-essential. Workers that can work from home become adept at Skype and Zoom, while also home schooling children. The unemployment rate skyrockets and most people wonder if they will have a job when this is over. The stock market tanks. Again. And again. The government passes a stimulus package in which all citizens will receive money to help pay bills, etc. and help businesses stay open. Everyone gets an income tax extension. Companies offer extensions for paying credit card payments, car loans, mortgages and household bills.

  • Press conferences daily from the President, in which he lies to the citizens of the United States and blames states for asking for too many ventilators.

  • Anthony Fauci becomes the next superhero with his no nonsense, scientific and factual information.

  • Daily updates on new cases, recoveries, and deaths become exhausting. People are wearing masks and gloves outside. People are anxious but yet creative with how time is spent. Zoom Happy Hour becomes a thing. Online workouts and gym classes are offered. Kids decorate sidewalks with chalk art. Families take walks in the neighborhood and there are more kids on bikes than ever.

Written April 3, 2020.

The Helpers.

After 9/11, I read a lot about how to talk to kids about what happened. I had a four month old at the time so it wasn’t an urgent issue but as a new mom, I was curious about what in the world do you tell kids to make them feel safe? You tell them about The Helpers. Look around, in the middle of every disaster, you’ll find The Helpers. After 9/11, the first responders were the first helpers but more followed.

Today’s helpers are the science teachers at our high school who rummaged through the science department and the school nurse’s office to find gloves, masks and goggles to help community hospitals who may not have enough supplies on hand to combat COVID-19. I have friends who know their way around a sewing machine who are making face masks. Kids in the neighborhood are decorating sidewalks with chalk and people are putting up holiday lights. People are donating blood. Friends are using video chats to hold happy hours. Helpers come in many forms. Some are very visible and some are in the background. They also pop up when least expected.

A week and a half ago (seems like a lifetime) I was at a meeting after my son’s drumline rehearsal. The meeting was held to discuss the fact that the final competition of the year, WGI Championships in Dayton, was being canceled because of the coronavirus. At the time, it was thought that was canceled because it was such a big gathering held at a college. Surely the smaller, local competitions would still continue? Thirty five kids are involved in this program and had only competed once so far. They hadn’t even put the entire show on the floor. They placed first at that initial competition and had a very solid future, intending to place at least as well as they did at last year’s WGI Championship, where they placed 13th nationally. At the time, we were shocked. The kids were heartbroken, many of them crying. The WGI Championships are the culmination of months of hard work. No one was thinking this was the first domino and so many more dominoes would fall as events and gatherings continued to be canceled, including the remainder of the drumline season.

As the students were trying to process what they were being told at that meeting, hugging each other, and crying, the parents just looked at each other. This is something we could not fix and we were devastated for the kids, trying to process this ourselves. Eva, a senior and the student leader of the group, stood up and reminded the group how far they’d come. That she was proud to be part of the group no matter what happens. That they learned so much together, worked hard, had so many obstacles to overcome and had a great time on the journey so far. And nothing could take that experience and those memories from them. I know Eva was heartbroken like the rest of the students but she had the grace to step up and offer some very positive words at a very difficult time. A helper.

Helpers are always there. You just have to know where to look.

New Abnormal.

Currently waiting for the virus numbers to spike and then level off, here we are at Day 2 of Quarantine.

Let’s talk about the good things happening. Fitness instructors are offering free, live streaming, online classes. Keeping a fitness routine, whatever that looks like for you, is a game changer for mental health and anxiety. The gym I attend is also suspending payments for the current month that they are closed. In addition, they are offering some live streaming classes and a catalog of classes online.

People are outside doing yard work and inside keeping busy with other activities they might not have time to do. Yesterday during a walk, I noticed lots of driveway and sidewalk chalk art. I heard people practicing musical instruments as I walked by. People are putting “suns” on their front doors as part of a homeschooling scavenger hunt activity. The birds are singing and very active. Trees are budding. Get outside!

In my own home, we’ve been doing some baking and have had a family game night of Monopoly. (Which still resides on the dining room table because no one can finish Monopoly in one night). I had a “happy hour” with two friends via Zoom, just so we could catch up and see faces. I also did a yoga class via Zoom.

We are hanging in there! Stay well.

New Normal-Quarantine Day 1

First of all, I’d like to say that I’m open for business and would like to thank all of my clients who are continuing to send work to me. Because I work from home, COVID-19 isn’t impacting much of my typical work day, other than we are all home. All four of us. It seems that many companies are attempting to proceed as usual. I mean, what other option is there?

I thought it would be interesting to document events as they occur and write about this “new normal.” Yesterday at 5 pm, Illinois began our Stay at Home order, per Governor Pritzker. Prior to that, things were slowly getting canceled or shut down. It started the week of March 9 when school activities started to get canceled, then school itself. Then public gatherings, then businesses. Now we are urged to work from home and only go out for essential grocery shopping or pharmacy visits.

Coping with this is difficult. I’ve had to stop watching the news completely and limiting my social media. I’ve found things to keep my mind busy such as doing a paint-by-number. Exercise has always been a stress reliever for me and with gyms shut down, the only thing I’m doing is running. As a family, we are experiencing lots of togetherness. Last night we had “family game night,” and we played Monopoly until we were too tired to continue. It was fun! My son’s sophomore year of high school is ending with online classes, likely for the rest of the year. My daughter, a freshman in college, is having to complete her first year of college online. This is particularly difficult as she’s a dance major. Hard to hold a dance class via computer. She worked at two restaurants and currently has no hours right now as all restaurants are only doing take out or delivery.

There are so many questions. How long will this last? Will I have enough work to get through this uncertain time? Is my husband’s job secure? Will we have a “normal” summer? Can my kids count on going back to school in the fall? Will people stop hoarding toilet paper? (We are currently down to 7 rolls and I’ve tried to find it at a store several times with zero luck).

Stay well!